So You Have a Fict Friend: How to Be a Better Ally
You've learned something about an acquaintance of yours. Maybe it was an offhand comment about a video game they'd been playing. Maybe you came over for game night one evening to be greeted by a fan-shrine in the middle of their living room. Or maybe they took the initiative and just told you themselves.
With that being said, I'm deciding to compile this mini-guide on the do's and don't's of Talking To Waifu-Folk (#1, don't actually call them that).
So you have a fict friend. Here's your beginner's guide.
_________________
Be Respectful And All, But You Don't Have to Play Pretend
"So how is your...girlfriend...doing?"
We're 2D lovers, not six-year-olds playing pretend. You know that your friend's partner isn't a real person, and so do they. The compulsion to play along may come from a legitimate place of respect for their relationship, but in the wrong time and place, attempting to treat a friend's 2D partner like a real person can come off as more than a little condescending. While some actually do refer to their partners as their girlfriend/boyfriend or wife/husband, others use other terms, which can be totally unique to them and their partner.
As a rule of thumb (that will be repeated many more times than this), if you're unsure about what language to use, ask! Communication is key. Even if it may be awkward at first, being clear about what you don't understand will help you both a lot in the long run.
Instead of immediately jumping into the love life LARP with them, let them talk to you a little first; by listening to the way that they talk about their relationship, you can get a much better idea of how to talk with them in the future.
Keep Questions Simple
"But what is it like?"
We understand, you're curious. And especially with close friends, you may have a lot of questions. It's perfectly okay to want to know more — in fact, we're very glad you're open minded, but when approaching these questions it's important to step back and ask yourself: 'Would I be able to answer this question about my own life?'
Using the above example, asking what it's 'like' to be a 2D lover, while seemingly simple, might come off as a little more complex than intended. To elaborate, here's a somewhat equivalent question: What's it like to be in a romantic relationship with another human?
Weird, right? Are you being asked about simple things like chemistry and dynamics, or are you being interrogated on the meaning of love and interpersonal connection as a whole? These questions are intimidating! And not all of us are properly equipped to answer them; heck, some of us have never even really thought about our identities in that kind of detail before.
The thing is, I can't sit here in my writer's chair and tell you, "go out and do your own research, don't randomly ask people!" Because, as I'm sure you've realized, 2DL and its culture is still very much unknown and invisible even within the scope of fandom. There simply aren't many resources available anywhere online or in print. The desire to fill that space is a large part of why I started Nijigende to begin with.
So for starters, I'll go the predictable route and recommend you read more of Nijigende as new articles are released. Answering questions is my main goal, so if you look through the archive, maybe you'll find an article that answers yours!
If you still have questions, try asking more specific, narrowed ones before getting into the existential stuff. But remember, unless given some sort of OK beforehand, don't ask anything that you would be uncomfortable answering about yourself. (This applies to much more than fict people, but you know that already!)
Second off, I would absolutely recommend buying or checking out a copy of The Moe Manifesto by Patrick W. Galbraith. It's a collection of real interviews from real 2D lovers, as well as those working in the anime and associated character goods industries in Japan. Although the book obviously can't speak for everyone within the community, I and many others consider it an invaluable asset to 2DL, and one that I would recommend to anyone interested in the subject.
Don't Put Them On The Spot
"Oh, you like Zelda? Ahah, my friend Josh ~really~ likes Zelda."
Especially among a group of fellow fans, it can be hard to see the issue in bringing up your friend's 2D love if the topic comes up. Talking about childhood fictional crushes? Hey, my friend knows a lot about this, don't you, friend?
If said friend is open to friendly jokes about themselves like many 2D lovers are, then maybe it would be appropriate to mention it among a group of friends who already know about their 2D love. However, if there's any inkling that you'd be blowing their cover by making that oh-so-tempting waifu joke, then you may wanna think twice.
While it may be genuinely funny to examine ourselves from time to time, it's important to understand that arming the wrong people with that kind of fairly personal knowledge could lead to some big trouble for your friend. Not everyone will be as tolerant or approving of them.
Most of All, Just Go With The Flow!
"Oh hey, Josh, what's up?"
There's nothing more reassuring to me as a 2D lover than finally opening up to a friend and being met with a swift but effective "Alright!"
The best show of support that we could ask for is just being chill about it! Acting casual shows us that we can be comfortable around you, in everyday life or when discussing Valentine's Day plans.
And last, but certainly not least...
Don't Recommend Lars and the Real Girl, Her, or That One Episode of 30 Rock.
Seriously. WE GET IT. Chances are that most of us have seen these films before, possibly out of a feeling of necessity that may or may not have actually been fulfilled by doing so.
If James Franco holding an anime body pillow of questionable quality was your first introduction to 2D love, that's not your fault, and it's okay. But it probably wasn't ours, and quite Franc-ly (sorry), we don't really need to be enlightened on it. Thanks in advance.
_________________
So there you have it! A (somewhat) comprehensive starter guide. If you have your own pet peeves or want to share a personal anecdote, put it down in the comments below!
Either way, the jig is up: your 3D loved one is a 2D lover. And if you've ended up here, chances are that you're wondering how to be more understanding of their lifestyle, even if you can't necessarily relate. And for that, I say, you're already on the right track! We can never have too much knowledge — and as such, we can never listen too much to others.
With that being said, I'm deciding to compile this mini-guide on the do's and don't's of Talking To Waifu-Folk (#1, don't actually call them that).
So you have a fict friend. Here's your beginner's guide.
_________________
Be Respectful And All, But You Don't Have to Play Pretend
"So how is your...girlfriend...doing?"
We're 2D lovers, not six-year-olds playing pretend. You know that your friend's partner isn't a real person, and so do they. The compulsion to play along may come from a legitimate place of respect for their relationship, but in the wrong time and place, attempting to treat a friend's 2D partner like a real person can come off as more than a little condescending. While some actually do refer to their partners as their girlfriend/boyfriend or wife/husband, others use other terms, which can be totally unique to them and their partner.
As a rule of thumb (that will be repeated many more times than this), if you're unsure about what language to use, ask! Communication is key. Even if it may be awkward at first, being clear about what you don't understand will help you both a lot in the long run.
Instead of immediately jumping into the love life LARP with them, let them talk to you a little first; by listening to the way that they talk about their relationship, you can get a much better idea of how to talk with them in the future.
Keep Questions Simple
"But what is it like?"
We understand, you're curious. And especially with close friends, you may have a lot of questions. It's perfectly okay to want to know more — in fact, we're very glad you're open minded, but when approaching these questions it's important to step back and ask yourself: 'Would I be able to answer this question about my own life?'
Using the above example, asking what it's 'like' to be a 2D lover, while seemingly simple, might come off as a little more complex than intended. To elaborate, here's a somewhat equivalent question: What's it like to be in a romantic relationship with another human?
Weird, right? Are you being asked about simple things like chemistry and dynamics, or are you being interrogated on the meaning of love and interpersonal connection as a whole? These questions are intimidating! And not all of us are properly equipped to answer them; heck, some of us have never even really thought about our identities in that kind of detail before.
The thing is, I can't sit here in my writer's chair and tell you, "go out and do your own research, don't randomly ask people!" Because, as I'm sure you've realized, 2DL and its culture is still very much unknown and invisible even within the scope of fandom. There simply aren't many resources available anywhere online or in print. The desire to fill that space is a large part of why I started Nijigende to begin with.
So for starters, I'll go the predictable route and recommend you read more of Nijigende as new articles are released. Answering questions is my main goal, so if you look through the archive, maybe you'll find an article that answers yours!
If you still have questions, try asking more specific, narrowed ones before getting into the existential stuff. But remember, unless given some sort of OK beforehand, don't ask anything that you would be uncomfortable answering about yourself. (This applies to much more than fict people, but you know that already!)
Second off, I would absolutely recommend buying or checking out a copy of The Moe Manifesto by Patrick W. Galbraith. It's a collection of real interviews from real 2D lovers, as well as those working in the anime and associated character goods industries in Japan. Although the book obviously can't speak for everyone within the community, I and many others consider it an invaluable asset to 2DL, and one that I would recommend to anyone interested in the subject.
Don't Put Them On The Spot
"Oh, you like Zelda? Ahah, my friend Josh ~really~ likes Zelda."
Especially among a group of fellow fans, it can be hard to see the issue in bringing up your friend's 2D love if the topic comes up. Talking about childhood fictional crushes? Hey, my friend knows a lot about this, don't you, friend?
If said friend is open to friendly jokes about themselves like many 2D lovers are, then maybe it would be appropriate to mention it among a group of friends who already know about their 2D love. However, if there's any inkling that you'd be blowing their cover by making that oh-so-tempting waifu joke, then you may wanna think twice.
While it may be genuinely funny to examine ourselves from time to time, it's important to understand that arming the wrong people with that kind of fairly personal knowledge could lead to some big trouble for your friend. Not everyone will be as tolerant or approving of them.
Most of All, Just Go With The Flow!
"Oh hey, Josh, what's up?"
There's nothing more reassuring to me as a 2D lover than finally opening up to a friend and being met with a swift but effective "Alright!"
The best show of support that we could ask for is just being chill about it! Acting casual shows us that we can be comfortable around you, in everyday life or when discussing Valentine's Day plans.
And last, but certainly not least...
Don't Recommend Lars and the Real Girl, Her, or That One Episode of 30 Rock.
Seriously. WE GET IT. Chances are that most of us have seen these films before, possibly out of a feeling of necessity that may or may not have actually been fulfilled by doing so.
If James Franco holding an anime body pillow of questionable quality was your first introduction to 2D love, that's not your fault, and it's okay. But it probably wasn't ours, and quite Franc-ly (sorry), we don't really need to be enlightened on it. Thanks in advance.
_________________
So there you have it! A (somewhat) comprehensive starter guide. If you have your own pet peeves or want to share a personal anecdote, put it down in the comments below!
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